El Profe Loco

Lotsa news lately - here's an update from El Profe Loco

By El Profe Loco
Published on LatinoLA: October 21, 2003

El Profe Loco

OTNC, Califas El Profe Loco October 2003

RUSH LIMBAUGH. We now know how Mr. Limbaugh acquired his nickname - he apparently regularly enjoyed a rush from prescribed drugs, unlike all those street thug dopers who don't have health insurance and cannot afford prescribed drugs. Mr. Limbaugh valiantly resisted the "medication" but was overwhelmed and unknowingly duped by the docs. Also, unlike gangsta dopers, Rush is in rehab, not prison. Pobrecito.

MEX TERMINATOR ?. Gov. Schwartzengroper (R-Kaleefornia) appointed Pistol Pete Wilson as his new Ambassador to East L.A. - which Arnie simultaneously declared to be foreign turf and therefore not qualified to receive any state services (but still subject to state taxation) - along with the San Gabriel Valley, Pomona, Oxnard, old San Jose, Gilroy, Brawley, Calexico, OTNC, San Ysidro, Nestor, Barrio Logan, and Shell Town.

CALIFORNIANS FOR POPULATION STABILIZATION. CAPS is running a series of very expensive TV ads blaming most problems in California on the state's population increase "which is 98% caused by immigrants". Right on! - that horde who immigrated to California from other U.S.A. states should be extradited from Califas back to whence they came - pinches Californio's-Come-Lately's, they should all go back to Minnesota and live with Garrison Keilor. (Trucha! CAPS is a well-funded group founded by the English-Only folks).

QUE GACHO. The Democratic Party placed first and second in a recent contest for Ugliest Presidential Candidate. Senator Joseph Lieberman and Dennis Unclinch (who looks like a son-of-a-Lieberman) overwhelmed the Demo pretty-boys: Dean, Edwards and Clark. The GOP garnered a unanimous slam-dunk first place for Dumbest.

COLOR ME GRAY. Ex-Gov. Gray Davis turned in his usual gray performance in the recent recall election. He was given the old dedo, and is now spending his time attempting to figure out why his home electricity bill is so high and doing exercises increase his neck to size 12''.

I FEEL BETTER NOW. President Bush-Lite just appointed Condominium Rice as the the Empress of the Iraqi Aftermath. Condie, true to form, immediately stepped on her pee-pee (so to speak) and left Donald Rumsfeld out of her circle of insiders. Donald simply put a dead horses head with a white hood in Condie's bed and the next day she made Rumsfeld Vice-Emperor. Don't mess with Donald Death, ese - te chinga!.

SOMOS. Nuestra Raza is suffering from a fatal coronary disease - LDL: Latter-Day-LatinOs. Since when did we quit becoming: Hispanos (geographically accurate), mestizos (racially accurate), Raza (culturally accurate), or Chicanos (politically accurate, for some at one time)? Countries whose language is based on Latin include Italy, Portugal and Spain. Thus, Italians are LatinOs also. Who invented this bogus LatinO label? How did we fall prey to this ludicrous label? Why do we continue to use it? Those who were Spanish yesterday, are LatinO today. Ya pues, despiertate, levantate - no seas moco, usa el coco. The next one to use LatinO in front of me should probably swiftly stand back, for I might involuntarily barf on his/her calcos (Ay! Perdon). Latin-Oh?? Give me a break.

BECA. The LatinO Conservative Press announced the recipient of it's First Annual "Dire Need" Scholarship. By a unanimous vote of their membership - two votes: Linda Chavez (R-NM) and Richard Rodriguez (PBS; J-San Francisco CA) - the award went to Raeioul Contreras (R-San Diego CA) for "his demonstrated need for education in English, Spanish, and History". Linda Chavez gave Mr. Contreras his "Dire Need" award in front of a cheering, bending-room-only audience at a bath-house in San Francisco. Mr. Contreras will enroll in kindergarten classes at La Raza Institute at Kimball School in OTNC, Califas.

About El Profe Loco:
Councilman Luis Natividad stated "that this vato has been loco for a long time, but he is the pride of National City, because he has his heart with the community"

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