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Look at the Carpet Tonight

Sometimes you don't realize what really has been spilled

By fernando flores
Published on LatinoLA: November 9, 2003


Look at the Carpet Tonight


Tonight i think i'll bleed myself.
I knew she was asleep.
In all honesty i hoped she was dead decomposing beneath those old, warm blankets.
Well it simply turns out the pill induced coma was a waste of purified drinking water.
So first I'll close my eyes.
One last look at the painted walls in my room.
Their shade of white will be my focused memory as I'm pulled into the realm of mortal sin.
With eyes shut I'm ignoring the glistening metal edge.
The colors might distract me.
Even as i wait for the ink to dry on this half-written page, my mind maneuvers from thought to thought.
From unwanted responsibilities to a gorgeous smile that hurts my heart enough to not want to picture her.
I then pretend this blade stroking my skin is the seductive hand of an unknown beauty.
If I dare, then it be the hand of a heaven-born crush.
So why the blade??
It's to drain what makes me feel ugly.
I know in doing so I'll lose what let's me see you beautiful but for at least one breath I would love to breath easy.
Even if it's my last.
It's more than just a moment when i wish I could have choked when my mouth opened to inhale that cold hospital air.
So you say, what about friends and what about family??
What about the night you ignored me when i needed your warmth to keep those tears from freezing on my face??
What about the "hello" i needed to help me feel like I existed???
You say unanswered phone calls are a meaningless occurence of daily life.
Well sometimes I think I'm a cool guy but it's just a deformed thought floating through my mind.
So enough with your reasons and unfelt queries.
Let's ask the final question...
who the fuck would ever wnat a piece of shit like me???

If it wasn't so red i would have figured i spilled my wine again.


About fernando flores:
Fernando Flores is an ugly gordito disenchanted that he will never know the overwhelming embrace of love. He adores girls who will never notice or care much for him or for his adoration of their smiles. Affection accepted at savorychulito@aol.com




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