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Hey, Lady! Get Your dog!

Man's best friend can also make enemies

By Frankie Firme
Published on LatinoLA: April 17, 2004


Hey, Lady! Get Your dog!


You know, sometimes in our efforts to show the younger generation how to act by setting the right example, we sometimes mistake tact, tolerance and good manners as acceptance. Even so, some people still just don't get it, and are subject to reality based reminders.

So it was, on a sunny Southern Califas afternoon, that an incident transpired at a local park in the 'hood recently that inspired me to write this piece. It may aggravate somebody, but you know me...importa madre when I have something to say that just might make this World just a taste better!

I was takin' five at the park with some homies, just kickin' it with the Gente, havin' a brew or two, and enjoying some firme refin that came from 4 or 5 home kitchens. (Ya sabes...sandwiches, potato salad, chile beans, chips, bar-b-q dogs & burgers, home-made salsa y mas...). Nothing special or spectacular, tu sabes, just the ingredients that when added with firme Gente, good weather, and good music on the boom box, makes it a cool time to kick it at the park and be BROWN...works for me.

One seasoned veterano, wanting a break from all the happy, screaming children running around, made himself a plate mas de aquellas (you know, fresh ingredients on the sandwich, hot dog & chile beans, along with gettin' to the chips before the beer drinking dudes that make "bush visits" start putting their hands in the chips bag for a handful when they return) and decided to sit a few yards away under a tree to enjoy his meal before taking his turn at watching the kids at the swings. Remembering that he didn't have a brew at the ready, he gently put his plate down and got up for that short trip to the ice chest.

Upon his return, he discovered that some pendejo dog owner had unleashed his mutt and allowed him to run free. Not having the concept of manners down, nor needing an invitation, the dog helped himself to homies' plate, making matters worse by squatting & doing what dogs aren't embarrassed to do in public, then raking his paws across the ground while he licked his chops in contentment.

Enraged, home boy was about to introduce the dog to a beer bottle on the most personal of terms when the owner came trotting up and simply offered a bland "oh...sorry about that, man" before snapping his fingers and calling the pooch to continue their romp. Not even offering to pick up his dog's contribution to the environment as he walked away, the homie had to call him back & explain what happened, while attempting to give some well-intentioned advice (like "keep your pinche dog on a leash, there's little kids around here") as to at least relinquish some of his annoyance. (Hijo, mano, and that plate LOOKED GOOD, too, man!)

As the dog owner smacked his lips, sighed, and rolled his eyes in annoyance, as if HE was the one being bothered, homie unleashed one of the meanest chingasos I've seen in a long time, right in the dog owners' face, dropping the dudes' nalgas to the dirt! In poetic justice, the dog just stood there, head tilted, tail wagging, trying to figure out why his owner had fallen onto his "contribution".

As if on cue, all of us witnessing the drama broke out into applause & gritos, causing the dog to happily prance & bark, much to his owner's utter annoyance! Somebody brought Fido's owner a napkin to wipe the blood off his mouth, when somebody suggested he pick up what wasn't sticking to his shirt, put a leash on his puppy, and make himself rare...everybody loudly agreeing.

Upon noticing the nuisance he & his dog (a big mutt, too!) had caused to so many people at one time, puppy's owner loudly apologized, dug into his pocket and pulled out a wad of bills, offering to buy some more beer, or at least a pizza for homie's lost plate of comida.

Taking the money, homie called the 20 kids or so watching and instructed them to go visit the raspada man sitting under a tree not far away, giving the oldest the bills and instructing them to "spend it all" while apologizing for what they had seen. (Gracias, homie! That's class!)

As the dog owner and his now leashed mutt walked away, all the adults in attendence began sharing their "Why people's dogs bug me" story with each other.

We were all in agreement that while we love dogs, having one yapping or growling at you, slobbering on you, sniffing the body parts you save for somebody special, or worst of all, humping on your leg, is just not cute nor welcome! People seem to think that you don't mind being around when their "other member of the family" lifts their leg, squats or licks themselves in public with no regard to public decency. And it bothers 7 kinds of shit out of me when I discover that I've stepped into something that I unintentionally have now smeared on my car's carpet!!!!!!! Damn, I hate when that happens.

Ever been at a crowded park or open concert and some wimp in shorts that don't fit comes prancing thru with a slobbering, 200 lb. monster (or worse, two), and it invades your space uninvited & unwanted, scares your kids, and sniffs you like it's ready to bite if you dare object?

Or how about the fools that seem to think having a big, brain damaged, carnivorous, aggressive, killer pit bull is a symbol of their manliness? How do you justify owning that thing when it attacks and scars for life, or worse, kills an unsuspecting child? Do they really think "sorry" is going to make things right?

Or what about when people invite you into their homes, and there's dog hair and "kennel funk" in the air everywhere? (Don't even get me started on cat owners...that's another story of woe).

Or the people that have these annoying little poodles or chihuahuas, and they take them EVERYWHERE?!!! Then, they have the audacity to act put upon when you don't positively respond to their mutt's non-stop yapping, growling, hyperactivity or interest in a snack you may have? And they do stupid stuff like talk to the dog as if they were a child, expecting compliance, when the dog could give a damn about anything but when their next meal is...

Don't get me wrong, I don't shed a tear at all when some criminal gets half his ass chomped off by a police dog after committing a violent crime, or I wouldn't mind a dog biting a burgler's or a rapist's or a child molester's or a woman-beating man's testicles off. Hell, I'd throw in the doggie biscuit for dessert....

It's just that some people NEED to realize that not everybody likes their dog, however special, lovable and friendly they may be!

About Frankie Firme:
Frankie Firme invites members of the SPCA and AKC to catch the finest Oldies on the World Wide Web, every Thursday at 6:oopm, pst, only on www.KCLAFM.com
No ay pedo.... E-mail: FrankieFirme@yahoo.com




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