Pro SUV ?Y Que?

Rolling 5 deep...

By Al Carlos Hernandez
Published on LatinoLA: June 8, 2004

Pro SUV ?Y Que?

I have done a web search, and realize that it is rare to find anything objective written about Sport Utility Vehicles, yet you see many of them on the highway and on TV. The people that we know, including two of our sons who own them, love them. The high rollers function as omni-purpose urban assault vehicles. SUV?s have become the hip vehicle de jours and are even lauded in music lyrics yet, mainstream media gives them dooms day negative.

This leads me to conclude that many folks, who have the luxury of time and liberal arts degree to write, are not objective. They seem to live in a pedantic world of socialistic idealism, have no kids, no extended family and have a limited understanding of what working people consider important. The anti-SUV dialectic is dangerously close to the anti-family dialectic, and someone needs to call the bleeding hearts, hypochondriacs.

There is a distinct media bias against American made full size Luxury Sport Utility vehicles especially my favorites, the Lincoln Navigator and a personal vehicle of choice, the Cadillac Escalade. The H2 Humvee is a little too much; you don?t want vegan?s tossing Birkenstock sandals at you. If they do, blow your horn and they will retreat back into the coffee shop quicker than the French National Guard.

Pundits say that because of their gas guzzling capability they somehow fund terrorist organizations, increasing our dependence on foreign oil and this although hyperbole, is sadly true. These writers also player hate rap videos, and are still mad at the PE dudes from stealing their lunch and not inviting them to the prom back in High School.

What they don?t say is that it is the brave courageous youth market who leads the charge in buying the land yachts, which actually fight and win the wars, will be the first ones to issue a terrorist beat down.

We still live in the best country in the world, and should be able to approximate the American dream by driving anything we want, any time we want, anywhere we want without Volvo loving gadfly?s all up in our mix judging our lifestyles.

There is an urban vehicular axiom, ?If you can?t feed it, don?t buy it.? A typical SUV burns as much gas as a full sized sedan, such as a Town Car, or a Police cruiser Crown Victoria. It is true that more pollutants are released into the environment, and SUV manufactures are working on that, so they can sell more rigs to this aficionado demographic. SUV owners economize, by rolling 3 sometimes 5 deep. Some seat up to 9.

What the public may not know is a significant amount of SUV?s are purchased by Women, who choose not to roll a dorky mini-van. Young vital toddler Mama?s like to get their floss on too and why shouldn?t they?

We have an Escalade, this is our third SUV, and the reason we choose to purchase them is because we have a large extended Latino family and like to go places together, is safety, luxury and style.

Only once in three vehicles, have I ever had the chance to use the four wheel drive capability. We were in the snow near Lake Tahoe, I pressed a button and pulled a lever then heard a deep growl, the truck hunkered down, and as if it got mad, changed personalities, then we crawled though the icy terrain with attitude. Then we had to stop because I didn?t know how to shift it out of monster truck mode.

The four wheel drive feature to me is useless overkill, unless there is a major west coast earthquake, and I have to drive over my neighbor?s fence to go to the mall.

When I?m not schlepping around the family I ride my motorcycle. If you do the math, the Escalade gets about 15 miles to the gallon, my bike, an equally offensive over the top hog, gets about 40 depending if I?m dogging it or not. This gives me a personal average of 27 miles per gallon of gas I buy for my personal use, putting me way above the national average.

No doubt that a SUV isn?t for everyone, especially not for those who do not have a big family or major Homies to transport. I?m not buying the hype and the misinformation about them being unsafe because they are not, accidents is usually driver error. Beyond all else I don?t appreciate the hypocritical Hollywood ?environmentalists? who claim all allegiance to mother earth, from the cockpits of their Range Rovers.

About Al Carlos Hernandez:
Al Carlos is a screenwriter.

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