Defining the Wolves and the Bunnies? Who?s Who?
Seven first dates of a Latina divorcee in LA
Well after outliving the honeymoon period, bearing twin daughters, and surviving the seven year itch, my marriage of ten years feel apart when ?The Woman of Ivory? or, in my case that would be ?The Woman of Barro?, opened her eyes and Pygmalion (or as my mother would call him el Chingon) simply couldn?t handle it. He didn?t know what was happening to his precious little statuette as I began to develop some independence, and wanted my own individuality. At this point we both realized that we had outgrown the relationship or rather that our relationship had outgrown the two of us, so the story goes.
Published on LatinoLA: September 24, 2004
So, after 10 years of being shielded from the dating scene, for the first time in my adult life I was independent and single, at age 31. I?m feeling my way through the wilderness that is the dating scene here in Los Angeles. As a young, good looking, well-educated Latina, with a business frame of mind, I approached dating much as I approach most things in my life: from a business perspective weighing out the pros and cons. Please don?t confuse my approach for pretentiousness or for trying to gain some undue advantage, or as most men would see it for gold digging, but a gal does have her standards.
So, how does a woman like me begin dating in a somewhat dignified fashion after a divorce? By going on blind dates that friends and family have set up? Tried it! Believe me it doesn?t work. Because somehow whether it?s your friends or family, they always end up getting a different account of events and frankly who needs the headache. That?s how ?chismes? get started. Then maybe one can date that cute guy at work that?s been eying you? There is and old saying about ?not mixing business with pleasure? and for good a reason, too. I never dated anyone from work, but I have too many friends that have and it never ends well. Plus, remember that?s how ?chismes? get started, too. So, after a couple of months of scoping out what other singles do I figured that the only dignified and convenient thing to do would be to try the online thing.
I figured internet dating would give the opportunity to screen out people I wasn?t interested before wasting mutual time, energy, and money just to discover that there are no common and affinities. It would also allow me to state outright what I was looking for and to seek out the kind of men I would be interested in dating. This is a myth; you still have to go through the same old series of events and often discover just that there is no common interest and affinities and that you have just wasted time, energy, and money.
So, after getting about 1,000 hits to my profile in about a ten month period, I have been on seven first dates. The names of the men have just been completely discarded and replaced by my appellations to them to protect the innocent, of course. So, these are the guys I?ve dated over the last 10 months: the Photographer, Monkey Man (he lied on his profile), the Millionaire, the Harvard Attorney, the Frenchman (be still my heart?), El Mariachi, and the International Business Man (the biggest Wolf of all).
Date number one was with the Photographer, who was a pretty cool guy. This guy was a bunny, the sensitive artist type. We seemed to share some common interest and a nice conversation. We had a dinner at higher end restaurant and then drinks at the Dresden. He called me for a second date, and then asked me how much money he should bring? And that was the end of that. The guy was broke. It?s not a crime, but I want to date someone that makes at least the same amount of money as I do. However, if he makes more, it?s better.
Date number two was with Monkey Man and that only lasted about 15 minutes. After talking on the phone several times with what seemed like a really fun 34 year old man, who happens to own a capuchin monkey, I agreed to meet him at ?Weigh Lands? in the art district for drinks. However, who showed up was a man of about 50 years. When I finally built up the courage to confront him about this major discrepancy, he just laughed, and I was out of there. This guy was clearly a wolf and I wasn?t going to be his ?little red riding hood?. Come on guys, don?t lie, but if you do, keep it within in the decade. Be realistic.
Date number three was with the Millionaire and I felt like the luckiest girl. We went on a day trip to San Diego; we eat in La Jolla and drove around in his $80K Mercedes. He was a dreamboat, but once I got passed the ?dear in the headlights syndrome? I realized this guy was a real jerk. He was completely intolerant of people outside his economic status and all things that usually go hand and hand with status. He was an arrogant wolf, and I was an arrogant wolf right back at him. I actually had to ?open up a can of Chicano studies? on his you know what. So, that was that, or so I thought. It took him like two months, but he called to ask me on a second date and I gracefully ?Shot him down!? Sometimes it feels so good to be brown and proud.
Date number four was with a Harvard Attorney (he was Latino, too). Perfect, right? Wrong. Do you remember Carlton from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air? Pues ni mas ni menos. So, I am not sure who was the bunny and who was the wolf in this case but neither of us had any interest in seeing the other again.
Date number five was with a Frenchman that was in LA for a two week vacation. I caught him on the second week of his vacation. What a sexy wolf. Ladies, everything that you have heard about Frenchmen is true, at least it was about him. So, we had 3 dates before he went back to Paris. Trust me a trip to Paris in now in the works.
Date number six was with El Mariachi. I got a hit from a really handsome Mexican guy, after exchanging emails and phone calls. He shares that he is a Mariachi in the process of producing a record. When I found out he was a musician I almost didn?t meet him, but my mom forced me too. So, I did. Gut instinct are always right, ladies. This guy turned out to be so conceited that you?d think I was on a date with Alejandro Fernandez himself. He turned out to be ?Un Coyote Presumido?.
Now my seventh date turn out to be the biggest wolf of all. My last date and my inspiration for this chronicle was with an International Business Man. by the time this guy wrote to me I pretty much could decipher who is who by the 2nd email. So, after his 2nd email I know he was bad news. So, ?I shot him down?, then in his third email I thought wow, I was so mistaken this guy is no wolf, he?s no bunny, but he?s definitely no wolf. Ever heard the term ?a wolf in sheep?s clothing?? This is the kind of guy that uses and does whatever it takes to close the deal. That is how businessmen play both in business and in romance. Signs to look for: over-confidence, arrogance, and empty promises (small or big)?
As you can see it is almost impossible to define the wolves and the bunnies at any given time. Sometimes, we are the wolf and sometimes the bunny and vice versa. However, I think that in dating as in anything else in life the key is confidence, and confidence is about ?knowing what you have, and going after what you want?. But also keeping in mind that the universe does have big giant scoreboard, and inevitably ?what comes around most definitely goes around?. So, ladies and gentlemen let?s play this by the golden rule.
LA fighter, dreamer, writer...