Contemplating My Navel

For the first time on the outside looking in

Published on LatinoLA: February 19, 2005

Contemplating My Navel

Thursday evening was different. For many months, I had been fed up, tired of being tired. Traffic too much, people too rude, always in a rush nothing like being the first one to pass you up only to be stuck right in front of you at the traffic light.

What is this world coming to? Someone stop it and let me off!!!!!

I thought I would drown my sorrows by continuing my ?happy hour? ritual. Only things would not come to pass as I would have imagined.

I?m your social drinker, glass of wine a day to ease the brain after a stressful day or til mini Friday when the real partying begins. Years before, I could stay up til 3:00am and wake up fresh the next morning to go to work but those times are gone and now I like to relax and get a full night?s rest to prepare me for a full work day.

Monday through Friday 8:00am til 4:30pm is all my job asks and I?ve obliged for the past 16 years (only a few days short of my 17th anniversary). Never in my lifetime would I have thought my job would last longer than my first marriage but that?s another subject.....

That Thursday, working on deadlines, dealing with difficult co-workers, and the procrastination of the whiners that can never bring in their information for my reports unless they get a reminder every fifteen minutes. I was prepare to get to the comfort of my home and the relaxation my White Zin would bring. Only this time, my honey had other plans and my crisp glass of wine would have to wait til 6:00pm, when his daughter, my step daughter would be leaving an end of the season basketball game at her school.

I waited and waited and waited...... and waited...

Only to find out that the game would be over at 7:00pm.... (*sigh*) when it rains it pours, or so I thought..... make a mountain out of a molehill mentality..... chihuahua!

Finally heading to our mini Friday get together (without my white zin.. Of course)

Joe?s Hideout a little hole in the wall type of place with lots of ambiance and winter tourists.... The typical Hey Guys welcome from the people, seems we?ve got more friends over the age of 60 then under. I?ll tell you these people can out drink, outwit, and out dance anyone, makes you wonder what they were like when they were younger. Shows how much our cultures are different, you would never find la Tia and el Tio there together. Chances are you can only find el Tio and all his pals there, a place like that is taboo to our ay no, ni lo mande Dios tias. But all in all it?s okay, there are gentlemen who have respect and don?t gawk at ladies, they go about their business and leave the fraternizing to the old folks LOL!.... have I elaborated enough on that subject....

To my surprise, having half a drink and heading over to pick up my stepdaughter, the night was over. Of course I was a bit upset by that time and felt I would ask if we could go else where. Only to get the ?we?re usually going home around this time anyway? answer. I said ?well then, can I go to my usual happy hour spot..... receiving approval, I jumped in the car and headed downtown.

Upon entering my usual H..H.. location, I encountered two friends I hadn?t seen in a while. Embracing their invitation, I joined them.

Talking up a storm and catching up, I had ordered a drink that had watered down a bit making me pause between conversations to prevent wastefulness, I slowly drank my Tequila sprite watered down beverage.

An hour had gone by with my friend asking me if I wanted to nurse another drink. Chuckling, I agreed. Only to continue the same scenario til 9:00pm.

My friend prompting the waiter for the check, she asked if I wanted to join her and her friends at her apartment. Being nicely sober, I agreed. Leaving half of the second drink at the table before heading out.

Arriving at her apartment I was greeted by her wonderful daughter and her sister which I had not seen in months, we walked to the living room and sat and chatted for another hour.

Making it approximately 10:00 O?clock (passed this old foggies bedtime). I said my farewells, taking an invitation for another day, I headed out the door.

Only going two blocks passed my friends apartment, I remember getting the green light and proceeding...... Just then seeing two very bright headlights coming towards me. I immediately veered to the right and before I knew it, I hit a solid structure and my car flipped on its side blocking the driver?s door, landing on two wheels. What the..... Who, Where.............. HELP!!!!!

The paramedics, ambulance, police came and finally the fire department broke the windshield to get me out. Pretty prompt little fellas, they had me out in no time. Only to be taken to the back of the car for observation and then a sobriety test..... Which I passed..... is it any wonder. After a drink and a half.... Give me a break!

Calling my honey to the PD, I was ambushed by emotion and told him to come and pick me up. Must?ve been 2 minutes (although my house is about 10) when he arrived. Holding me close, walking me to the car, opening the passenger car door, he gently sat me down. Looking at me, stroking my hear and placing a gentle kiss on my lips, he asked again and again if I was okay. Puzzled, quietly sobbing, I explained I didn?t know how it had happened, that it had happened so fast..... he mustered, "as long as your okay, everything will be fine".

Trying to recover from the ordeal..... thinking I was well enough.... bruising, aching, and hurting, I managed to get to work by Tuesday. Only to find myself aching too much in the upright typing position..... I had to call in sick Wednesday morning again......

Here it is Thursday a week after..... Lots of images, perspectives, and notions have trafficked through my mind. Was this a second chance, by the looks of the vehicle, my seat belt, and air bag, I was definitely pretty lucky. I wonder..... Is this a time when one contemplates life and what coulda, shoulda, woulda? I don?t know but for some reason, I?ve slowed down quite a bit. I no longer get mad because someone at home didn?t replace the toilet paper, have not taken out the trash, or won?t put the cap back on the toothpaste, nor have I madly yelled at the top of my lungs when there is no gas in the car, or lost my cool with the procrastinators at work. Quietly relaxing in front of the TV seems to be quite nice and waking up a little earlier for work doesn?t seem like a chore anymore.

What, why, how, when, where, questions, I don?t care about right at this moment. I?ve always loved to listen to the birds, for some reason, they?re singing prettier and louder, the sky and clouds which I?ve always adored seem clearer. Was this a sign.... was this a message to slow down..... or was this some sort of awakening? I?m not too sure but I do know that somehow the following passage (which I have in a frame sitting on my desk) makes a lot more sense now....

......Help me believe in what I could be and all that I am.... Show me the stairway I have to climb.... Lord, for my sake, teach me to take...... One day at a time!

I think I?ll take that advice and count the many blessing that were placed before me even before I got this rude awakening :)

About DHOC:
MaryAnn Gonzalez (?aka? DHOC) Simply sending a message that ?No matter what life brings, God is always there to break your fall? maryanngonzalez@lycos.com

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