How to Negotiate With Your Mate

A new column by the author and public speaker debuts on LatinoLA

By Maria Mar
Published on LatinoLA: October 7, 2005

How to Negotiate With Your Mate

How to Negotiate With Your Mate

How many times have you wished that your partner would help you with the housework? Maybe you stopped asking for help because you expect one of these answers: "I'm very tired", "It's not my job", "Are you kidding?" or "I'll do it after the basketball game." But you know that if you waited for the dishes to get done, they?d be sitting in the sink three months after the basketball season was over. So, we resign ourselves to doing the housework on our own.

Rather than focus on blaming our partners for not helping out, we need to learn how to negotiate with them and turn the situation around in our favor.

Negotiating is the art of persuading others to give you what you want, and there are a lot of negotiation strategies and tactics that can be used. Negotiating is a psychological game. What you ask for isn?t as important as "how" you ask for it. So, what's the secret?

After years of experience teaching negotiation techniques to business executives, I have learned that those who ask for more always get more. It doesn't matter whether they are asking for a higher salary, a better discount, or a better position. This principle applies both in business and in your personal relationships.

If you want your partner to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen tonight, don't just ask for that. In this negotiation, ask for A LOT MORE than what you really want. Let me give you an example.

Last Friday, I left a meeting in a hurry so I could get home and cook dinner. When the meal was over, my husband got up from the table and left me with a pile of dirty dishes. I was very tired and I wanted him to clean the kitchen so I could go relax and watch some television.

I applied rule #1 in the art of negotiation: "ASK FOR MORE, EXPECT MORE AND YOU WILL GET MORE." I told my husband, "Listen, tomorrow you need to get up at 6:30 a.m. to organize the garage, mow the lawn, vacuum and wash the cars. Then in the afternoon go to my mother's house, take her shopping and out to dinner."

My husband quickly said, "What?! Are you crazy?!" Then I said, "Well, if you don't want to do all of that tomorrow, then tonight, please, do the dishes." To this he replied, "Honey?where is the sponge and the soap?"

Don't be afraid to ask for more than what you really want. In life as in business, people will always give you less than what you ask for, so always ask for more. Get rid of the "Why ask for more if I'm not going to get it?" attitude. The reason why a woman doesn?t succeed is because she doesn't ask for more and settles for less. Raise your expectations, aim higher and from now on apply the golden rule of negotiation, "ASK FOR MORE, EXPECT MORE AND YOU WILL GET MORE."

For comments and questions: P.O. Box 218, Alhambra, CA 91802. Or visit: Maria Marin is the author of ?Secretos de la Mujer Segura.?

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