Why You Do That, Ese?

Things guys do, that bug other guys, and others besides

By Frankie Firme
Published on LatinoLA: October 23, 2005

Why You Do That, Ese?

Alright...once again I succumb to the Gente's requests, and talk about some of the "bumps & pot holes" in the road I encounter while cruisin' thru Aztlan. Ha! This time, the Raza has approached me in an amused tone, know what I mean?

It's like, we all know this (or that) to be true in some sense, but it just needs to be stated sometimes, so that without letting others know, we can somehow quietly check ourselves, and let our camaradas know somebody's watching...(and Christmas is just around the corner!)

"It can't be all that firme, carnal," I'm frequently told when I write about the firme music happenings that I do, "there's always pendejos and rankers wherever you go," some tell me.

True...but what entertainment value does it have to hear about them? Who wants to take them seriously anyway? And it's not always the guys that rank and pull movidas, verdad? But hey, after much discussion and debate with my better half, I thought it better to bypass the "ladies first" rule of chivalry, and give the guys their turn first, with a follow up piece to come later. (Hopefully by one of my more talented compa?eras here at LatinoLA.com).

I believe it was earlier this year when another talented companero here at LatinoLA.com, Mr. Al Carlos Hernandez, wrote a piece about the way guys look at each other when we're out and about, that I shall use as the stepping off point for this piece. (See "Dirty Looks - Don't look at me in that tone of voice at http://www.latinola.com/story.php?story=2463)

As my good friend comedian Gilbert Esquivel once told me, "People can only understand and learn about themselves when they can look and laugh at themselves... because laughing is so healthy for the mind."

With that said, mi Gente...let's have a laugh...and learn...and make our minds better!

"What you lookin' at?" seems to be the hostile message given whenever young guys and I lock eyes for more than 5 seconds, and we're not acquainted. Not that I'm out looking to start shit (at my age), but this experience seems so common as it now seems par for the course if I'm to be out and about. Being the Veterano from the 'hood that I am, I have the bad habit of giving the hostility back before one of us either breaks the stare off, or takes the initiative introduces ourselves .

The latter seems to have been the best and safest recourse for me. Best because I have been privileged to meet some good Gente, when hitherto, I would have been at a loss as to "Why that vato was mad~dogging me" while going about my merry way. Safest, because at my age, ducking bullets, getting out of the way of a stray knife, or swappin' nickels on the street is just not what I'm about anymore.

Why do we do this? I ask this because my Lady sometimes asks me this in frustration when I'm not immediately aware that I'm doing that... I ask this because no matter where I go, there's always some homie looking at me from a distance like I owe his old lady money... I ask this because even though I'm a grandfather and packing a half century under my belt, I frequently run across guys with a few more miles in life than me giving me "that look"...and lastly, I ask this because some young brown warriors of ours are serving time behind bars for a beef that started with "I didn't like the way he was looking at me" ... why do we do this???? I am at a loss to answer this...

Let's stop it! Let's pass this around...and make things better!!

And now, let's talk & laugh about some other dumb stuff guys do...

Why do some guys insist on wearing sunglasses on their forehead at night? I once went to a gig one night where this young baboso playing congas kept pulling his sunglasses up on his forehead when they kept falling over his eyes as he played. After about 2 songs where homie kept missing the beat, the crowd started yelling "Take them off, stupid!"...he shyly took them off after this..."getting it". Why he didn't in the first place still escapes me.

Then, there's the knuckleheads who wear them behind their head, as if they're space aliens who have eyes on the back of their heads....excuse me...but who the hell EVER said this was style? Don't they know how stupid they look? Why hasn't anybody told them? Let's hope some of them read this!

OOOOOOh! Now I'm warming up!!

What about the pendejos who wear all their Mr. T inspired jewelry to the gym, and take off everything but this and their bikini chonies, and step into the sauna? Man...I laugh my ass off when they quickly run out after about 3 minutes, yelling "Oh shit!", as the jewelry burns their neck, chest, and wrists ...and what about the idiots who go the gym and put on designer wristbands, headbands, sneakers, and sweatsuits, then sit out by the pool and whip out a cellphone to call somebody to tell them "Yeah...I'm at the gym," and NEVER work out?

OOOOOOOh! Somebody stop me!

Baseball hats! Who the hell made them a style off a baseball diamond? Who? I get bothered to no end when I go to a club, or attend a classy , dress up function, and there's some clown in a baseball hat like he's cool and together, and has NO idea how out of place and stupid he looks. I gotta say...you bald guys (natural or voluntary) aren't hiding ANY secrets! Then there's the assholes who wear them backwards, like they're waiting for an audition as a catcher to some little league baseball team, or worse, the babosos who wear them halfway askew, as if they they were mugged and forgot to straighten them out...and even WORSE: the girls who consider this cute, and hang with them in public! What ever happened to style, and pride in appearance? BASEBALL HATS ARE NOT IT!!! Especially if you're not a kid!

OOOOh! I'm on a roll!

Keys! How many do you need? Except for school janitors and the turnkey officer at your local jail, who else needs 10 to 20 keys jingling on a large ring hanging on your belt? And why, in God's name, do you feel the need to wear them as some kind of ensemble to your wardrobe in public? How important do you want people to think you are? Are you on call for an emergency toilet backup or jailbreak or something? Leave them at home!

OOOOOh! Get this one!

Combs, razors, and brushes! Doesn't any body under 35 use then anymore? I see guys with some fine suits, fine cars, fine ladies (they confuse me on this one!), and their hair looks like shit, and they expect to be taken seriously! They don't shave, and wonder why us older guys treat them like homeless bums...could it be that they look that way? That "Just got out of bed and looking good at grungy" look just DOES NOT work for me or anybody I hang with. I have a gay co~worker who once told me "Every morning there's a bunch of gay Hollywood hairdressers and make~up artists who are yuk-yukking it up and slapping high fives over coffee as they see some of the TV personalities they did up while on a buzz, convincing them they were in the latest style...and they look absolutely terrible, and still went out on screen!"


Ahhhh! Some quickies before I leave you today:

Jealous guys: If she's gonna do you wrong, being jealous isn't going to help you. Why are you with her if you fear she'll "find someone better"? If she does, then she was looking! Dump her!...and if you're stupid enough to think that beating on her will keep her on the straight & narrow, and under your control...then ANYBODY she finds IS better than you! Ya gotta be good to get good!

Drunk guys: Who ever told you a loud, belching, no~manner having, rude, hung over and vomiting on a regular basis type of guy is cool? I don't want you over my house!

Guys who can't sing, but insist on doing so: Ha! You will get old alone! Trust me on this one!

My Lady is fond of saying "Guys do stupid stuff because they don't think". I'm fond of saying "Men don't do a lot of stupid stuff because they think before they act".

So...you gonna act like a guy, or a man?

At least you now have a few things to think about. I welcome your comments....

...your turn, ladies!

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