That Special Girl.....

Why she wouldn't look my way is still a mystery

By Javier J.
Published on LatinoLA: November 25, 2005

That Special Girl.....

I think my parents did a great job of raising me, and I'm glad their combined genes didn't have me come out into the world crossed eyed and bow legged with crooked teeth.

I studied hard, got along with everybody, wasn't too bad a dancer either. Believe it or not, growing up on the rowdy west side of San Antonio, Texas, I didn't get into drugs or crime, and actually got along with the toughest gangsters on the block, not an easy thing if you've ever lived in westside San Anto. Not poor, but not rich, I had a clean Monte Carlo in high school, and a job by the time I was 16. I had everything, but that special girl, Florencia. not her real name, for rspectful reasons yuo'll understand at the end of this.

Florencia was the most beautiful girl on my street. Long, brown hair, almond eyes, and brown skin that looked like gold in the summer sunset sunshine. She had a smile that could make me stare at her from a distance in deep admiration and fantasy, and I had many a moist dream about her..

But for some reason, even though she too came from a good family, she was drawn to the dark side. At age 14, she could have posed in Playboy, she was that beautiful & developed.
I, along with half the guys in the neighborhood, wanted her, and made fools out of ourselves trying to prove it. I hated when she laughed at my clumsiness, and I felt the need to save her whenever older guys would seduce her with drugs and alcohol, and brag about it. She was so naive and star-struck by the gangsters. Florencia wasted her youth, beauty, and the choice of some of the most promising young men in town for fast times with older gangsters, drugs, and alcohol.

But I loved her deep down, and I watched her grow up from a lanky kid into a lucious beauty of a woman I would have sacrificed for. She had 2 children out of wedlock by the time she was 17, fathers unknown. I would have married her even then, if she just would have looked my way. Just once the way she looked at the older thugs in town.

As she got deeper into drugs and promiscuity, her family abandoned her, her children were taken away, her looks began to fade, and she wasn't wanted by the gangsters anymore. They had new fish to fry. There were more Florencias on the horizon.

But I still wanted her, and I thought I could save her, bring her back to her natural beauty, and love her and take care of her the way I had fantasized for over 4 years.

3 days before her 18th birthday, she was found dead of an overdose in a fleabag motel. I think I was the only one who cried about the news. At her funeral, she was made up to look almost as beautiful as I remember her, the way I wanted her. The way I will always remember her.

I finally got to do at her death what I could never do during her life.

I kissed her on the lips and told her I loved her, and would never forget her, and finally asked her: why didn't you ever look my way? Why didn't you give me a chance? what was so wrong with me? I knew she would never answer, but at least I asked her.

That was 15 years ago. I've since moved out of San Antonio after joining the Marines a week after Florencia's funeral. I never told my family why. When I got out, I thought San Diego might be a nice place to live, and I've been here ever since.

I date regularly with no problem, but nothing serious. I'm hoping to find Florencia reincarnated. Sounds crazy, but I dream about it. still looking.

I'm going to find my Florencia, and I will marry her, and make her the happiest woman on earth.

The pain nobody knows will then finally fade, but the memory never will.

I still miss you, Florenciia. Why didn't you look my way?

About Javier J.:
I was impressed with some of the stories here and just wanted to get this out of my system.

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