Howard Stern's 909 Chicanita

Heidi Cortez: Perversed diversity slap-stick with mad-man Stern Inc.

By Barrio Marlon Brando
Published on LatinoLA: December 17, 2005

Howard Stern's 909 Chicanita

Q-vo ... hey ... sabes que ... diversity has hit us in weird pinche ways ... simon ... there was forever-a-pinche-molestor Michael Jackson and leg-lover Paul McCartney who brough us the Ebony and Ivory cancion ... entonces there was Willie Nelson and Julio Iglesias bragging about all the transvesites they loved too often ... then Orange County voters brought us Gaddie Vasquez ... perhaps the most Latino looking figure en el mundo who banged away for red Naranjaville voters ...

Pues ahora ... diversity has hit us again but in it's most perversed manner possible ... simon ... Howard Stern ... simon ... Stern INC. is a pinche wacky employer who is branding diversity to the pinche masses in a perversed pinche manner ... simon ... digame ... first this vato has an Afro-Americana side-kick ... La Robin ... simon ... who cracks up and puts up with his slut humor ... simon ... as pinche loco Stern marinates our pinche culos con his menstration wisecracks ... La Robin not only laughs coma loca ... she reaches over those tapes and does una chinga de basting all over nosotros with her limited by contractual virtue "you're kidding" one-liners ... whatever her agreed role is, she has a pinche unique role in mass media that works ... like her or not ...

Entonces ... there's more behavioral type diversity that Stern brings to his pinche shopfloor ... simon ... gente that in fact represent a true sample del every-pinche-day mundo locos ... there's Crackhead Bob ... this pendejo Bob used so much crack that half his body is paralyzed ... Hank the Drunk Dwarf ... this menso dwarf was so pinche drunk on the air one time that his alcohol level was .375 ... tambien there's Gary the Retard who suffers from down's syndrome ... Stuttering John Melendez is also another irritating guest .... along with the other tapados who go on air for Stern and a free tit show ...

Pues ... ahora there's "Hispanica Power" diversity at Stern INC. ... simon ... this vato has hired San Bernardino Chicana Heidi Cortez to do a PM phone sex show called "Tissue Time" ... Cortez begins when Stern switches over to satellite radio on Jan 9th ... seems she's an anything goes female born in 909 in 1981 ... she's a brown haired with golden highlights Chicana who can be found in a Califas yearbook during the 70's or 80's ... simon ... she's been on Playboy propaganda, has a personal web page and much much more ... simon ... call her what you want BUTT she's joining manyaco Stern in his half billion dollar, five year satellite hairy cola radio venture ... and she's only 24 ...

What trips me out is that raza doesn't even use tissue at that time or any-pinche-other time ... chale ... we use napkins, papertowels, our palms then shake your hands, the towels in the bathroom or your blouses ... but it usually drips dry on your sheets ... simon ... "Tissue Time" with La Heide Cortez ... pues ... does it even ring ... maybe it should be called "COLA TO CARA WITH THE NEW MAJORITY" or better yet, "HISPANICA POWER" porque it ain't CHICANA POWER ... whatever it is ... it's just perversed diversity slap-stick with mad-man Stern INC. smirking at the reality of our growing middle class and marketas ... y-que ...

About Barrio Marlon Brando:
Barrio Marlon Brando, a lifelong Southern Califas resident, is behind the sanTana blog (Recycled) Cholo Knows. Check him out at

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