Sangre de mi sangre. Blood of my blood...
It is almost seven years that you have been gone
No words to say
Sadness when I look back and think of that early April day......
The sharp pain in my stomach
Angry with God, everyone around me
And myself and yes- angry with you.....
Telling myself this is not supposed to happen!
In my eyes, you were a super hero that had powers to
Instead on an early April morning. God decided it was
Time for you to go home. I remember the tears streaming
Down my eyes and I looked up and saw the look on my fathers face
Trying to be strong- I remember my father telling me to hold
Your hand -I closed my eyes
I prayed with my father "padre nuestro que estas en el cielo"
I often think of that early morning as if it were yesterday....
I seek refuge in these words that make me feel closer to you as I type
I think of your smile, your look, your style.... wow! What a beautiful mujer
And often saying, "yup- that's our mom."
Now here we are seven years later
All I can think of is how people always say,
"As time goes by it will be easier for you."
Reality is that it makes it harder...
A constant reminder that I cannot pick up the phone
Call you to say, hello
Call you on your birthday
Call you to ask you, "What dad wants for his birthday"
Or to congratulate you that your son is going to be a father......
To celebrate together.... plan a baby shower and to be there for the birth
Of your grandchild... these are the times I wish genies existed.....
The times that make me cry like a child....
But on that day and everyday, that God keeps me here. I will love this child
As if, you were here. I will tell this baby what a beautiful grandmother he/she has in heaven. How special he/she is because they have two angels your grandmother and your nani looking down on you to keep you safe....
I will try and be the best tia who will love you unconditionally... your Tio Big Mike who will give you knowledge as well as love....I will tell you stories..... Keep you safe; love you with all my might - tend to your every cut and wipe every tear off your beautiful face?.....so on the day that I will welcome the blessing of my niece or nephew I will look up into the sky with tears in my eyes and say,"felicidades abuelita's!"
This is dedicated to my mother- nani - my brother & Jen :-)
I love you all so much. I promise to be the best Tia and always set good examples for
Baby Elizabeth or Nicholas and CJ......