My Brother

My everlasting strength

Published on LatinoLA: April 12, 2006

My Brother

Wanting to get out of the downward whirlwind of sadness, I seek to read what?s on the net and visit my favorite place of mutual friends..... LatinoLA.com. Reading all the wonderful pieces, wanting so much to respond, so much to write, yet my fingers and my mind are at different ends... A power struggle to express yet my heart seems to find peace in solace.

I struggle to keep a smile on my face. My exterior fixed up, looking presentably well but my inside is ripping apart. Going through the motions, I try desperately to stay afloat. My family needs me, my job needs me, yet I can?t shake the feeling of numbness and my frail heart has received a traumatic stab with a tremendous stake. What to do, what to say, my whole life has come to a halt. Wishing I could just take my body and secure it in a vault....

My worst nightmare.... a thing I never wanted to endure... The passing of a love one, a bond thought to have been secure...

Digging into the corners of my strength, reality keeps setting in. Melancholy episodes twisting my soul and raw emotions have ravaged my spirit. I retreat to the good, to the memories in my mind....... I am mad, I am sad, I am drowning in a whirlwind of scathes and just can?t seem to stop the pain.

What is there if he is gone.... I breathe, I gasp, I sit there and sigh. Help me out of this trance, I watch as things simply go by. What is it that I need.... How can I ease the pain. The feeling in my chest is just to remarkable to explain.

The words flow through me like a ravenous cut vein. I wish he was here with us, but reality is disdain. My every breath is accompanied by distress, my heart pumping uncontrollably, what to do, such duress... my emotions can take it no longer, my heart is dulled with pain....

I wake up in the morning and try to soothe my soul, the pain is so intense like hot coals in my veins. What happened to life as I see, today tomorrow, there?s no guarantee. We all must live life to the full at times I hope to see things a little more clear, I compose myself and wipe away my tears.

Good bye my brother to his flesh I say..... although you?re not here with us, your spirit is in tow. To the heavens you have gone and here we all must stay..., With you in heaven, we?ve got someone to hear us when we pray. By God?s side you will remain and through him, you?ll relieve us of this pain.

These words were written and placed on a display....

Dedicated in honor of my brave and loving brother

~ Rodolfo Gonzalez ~

His passion for American Indian art was as ferocious as his existence. His intelligence, limitless. His perseverance, vigorous, and although his exterior was shellproof, his heart was as gentle as a feather.

Therefore I profess....

?May his spirit fiercely soar in the wind and his soul roam free in
the pastures of eternal life?

I love you my Brother.

Solemn to treasure your legacy forever.
Your baby sister,

About DHOC:
MaryAnn {DHOC} Gonzalez, lost... in a heavy heart. maryanngonzalez@lycos.com

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