Lies of the Colonialists, Part 2

An English-Only drama

By Kat Avila
Published on LatinoLA: June 14, 2006

Lies of the Colonialists, Part 2

LITTLE JOHN (formerly Juanito): (whispering)
Hey, mom, that lady spoke not-in-ingl?s.
Aren't you going to report her?

MOM: (angry and scared)
Will you turn down the music?
Someone's going to hear that it's not-in-ingl?s
and THEY (The Hegemonic Establishment Yanquis) will get you!

MARY (formerly Maria): (haughtily)
It's officially the City of the Angels now, you idiot.
Not "Los Angeles." You can't say that anymore you know.
THEY will fine you.

DAD: (resignedly)
Catholic was too not-in-ingl?s, so we became Protestant.
No, we don't go to church anymore.

NEIGHBOR: (sighing)
Uh huh, THEY took away my Peter (formerly Pedro).
Yeah, THEY caught him with several bags of (whispering) "tortillas."

CAMP SURVIVOR: (reluctantly remembering)
Those of us who were too brown, our hair too black, or too not-in-ingl?s...
THEY started herding us into indoctrination camps in the desert that we never left.

CAMP SURVIVOR NO. 2: (mystically)
THEY cannot stop evolution. Superior minds were created to be multilingual and to break the curse of the Tower of Babel.

RELATIVE: (to the camp doctor) (weeping)
Please don't report Grandma! She's a crazy old woman!
She doesn't know that she's speaking not-in-ingl?s.

GRANDMA: (on her death bed) (speaking not-in-ingl?s):
Now I can go to Heaven and speak whatever language I want.
God will understand, because God is multilingual--
and not f&#?! English-only.

About Kat Avila:
For some fascinating reading, read "Chapter 6: Hispanophobia" from James Crawford's 1992 book "Hold Your Tongue: Bilingualism and the Politics of English Only" at http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepage/JWCRAWFORD/HYTCH6.htm

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