Taking George The Terrible to the Mat
The job of ridding Bush & Cheney shouldn't fall upon superheroes
Worldwide polls conclude that president George Bush & vice president Dick Cheney ‘«Ű instigators of the illegal and immoral war against Iraq ‘«Ű are viewed as the most mistrusted, most despised and most dangerous leaders on this planet. This duo ‘«Ű who by now are at best delusional ‘«Ű probably see this as a compliment.
Published on LatinoLA: July 28, 2007
Maybe it's war-fatigue. Or maybe it's just this long, hot summer. Suffice to say that after watching a late night movie: Billy the Kid meets Dracula, I got to thinking; where's Billy when we need him now? If not him, perhaps a superhero. Sure, it sounds silly, but there's a precedent.
When the ruling-PRI rigged Mexico's 1988 election, allowing Carlos Salinas de Gortari to steal the presidency (sound familiar?), out of the slums of Mexico City emerged Superbarrio. This wrestler-turned social hero continually took Salinas to the mat, so much so that after completing his term, Salinas was forced into exile to the land of leprechauns.
Also, a few years ago, Mopman and Mopwoman successfully helped to organize janitors in U.S. cities against Bossman and Migraman. Truthfully, the heroes and villains in our midst actually tell us a little bit about who we are. And continuing to have Bush & Cheney at the helm tells us that we're in deep trouble and that they need to be brought to justice. No doubt Spiderman, Batman or Captain America are unavailable, but perhaps Mopman and Mopwoman can be dispatched to the White House, disguised as janitors to clean house.
Before searching for superheroes, what we first need to do is give the criminal duo the villain names they deserve: George The Terrible and Captain Dick. (How about Nukularman and Tricky Dick II?)
Seems like even Felix the Cat could take out the prez and stuff him in his bag of tricks. But what about Captain Dick ‘«Ű the one who went over to the "dark side"? Regular superheroes would be powerless against his kryptonite-filled shotgun. The Incredible Hulk could probably crush him, though Cheney's liable to go nuclear on him, further irradiating
our green superhero.
In real-life, super-heroes are actually common people who rise up to the occasion. If it were a hero, it would be someone like Sen. Russ Feingold ‘«Ű the only senator to vote against the unconstitutional USA Patriot Act. If a heroine: the courageous Cindy Sheehan. All she needs is a cape‘«™and a superhero name. Yet, even if they could defeat Bush
The Terrible & Captain Dick, who would take out Condoleeza "Mushroom Cloud" Rice, with her over-the calf high-heeled boots and all? She's definitely no pushover. In another life, she could have filled the role of Catwoman or even Wonderwoman, but regardless of her role, she never would have lent her name to promoting permanent war.
Maybe who we're looking for is Citlali; an Indigenous super-hero ‘«Ű someone who could probably take on Condi, Tony Snow(job), Alberto "Tortureman" Gonzales, and Ann "the Mouth" Coulter‘«™ all at the same time. However, Citlali's main weapon is love, a weapon no doubt
powerless against this bunch.
But back to our fiendish duo, who probably think of themselves as super or Biblical action heroes. Come to think of it, maybe there's already a super-hero working incognito. Most of the administration's original warmongers and fearmongers have already left, including
Donald Rumsfeld, John "Constitution Man" Ashcroft, Tom Ridge, Scooter Libby, etc. (Those opposed to the war were chased out early on‘«™ and later on, especially the dissenting generals). Let's not rule out Robert Novak, the Prince of Darkness, as a possible covert super-hero. Wasn't it his outing of Valerie Plame that triggered the administration's implosion? Perhaps she and her husband, Joseph Wilson, should don capes until they take out their arch-nemesis Karl Rove, though SpongeBob could probably take this guy out by himself.
The job of ridding Bush & Cheney shouldn't fall upon superheroes. But as long as Congress shirks its responsibilities, we will have to continue to hope that a mild-mannered bookkeeper or librarian rises up to meet this generation's challenge.
What about Pulga, you ask ‘«Ű the Mexican superhero that burrows through collapsed buildings in times of natural disasters? Isn't that what we have now ‘«Ű a national disaster? I'd settle for Barney the Dinosaur going on a rampage and chasing the criminal duo out of their White House bunkers.
(c) Column of the Americas 2007
Rodriguez can be reached at XColumn@gmail.com