It makes me want to go on a walk and keep walking till I can't walk anymore.
It really 'tis the season to reflect one's life...appreciate what we have...and enjoy every moment we can spend with our children, friends and other loved ones.
My daughter works at a mortuary. She says that business is booming this time of year!
There are more deaths and suicides during the holidays-she would know she had to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
I even get a little blue during the winter months and I know a lot about the color BLUE.
There are depressions that last a few days and there are depressions that last months, even years.
If you have a family member that suffers from Chronic Depression or Manic Depression, try to understand them it is a serious illness. They can't just snap out of it like most people.
As a child I always felt different. I use to lay under my bed for hours at a time on a cold cement floor. I was able to tell who was walking by just by the sound of their shoes...I used to listen in on conversations and listen to my mother's T. V. shows from under my bed. Sometimes my family would ask themselves, "Has anybody seen little Maria?"
I don't think they knew I was under the bed...I would lay there for hours sometimes even fall asleep.
In my teens I started using sleep as an escape-I could sleep till three p.m. sometimes all day. I didn't know it then but I was depressed.
As a young adult I knew something was wrong when I would miss up to a week of work for no apparent reason except that I couldn't get up...didn't want to get up. I just wanted to sleep forever is possible.
And other times I felt so alive that I felt I could fly...I could do anything!
I would sleep three, four hours, I felt like super woman-with energy up the to spare.
It was amazing! I did everything and anything I put my mind to.
I lost weight...got a new job..boyfriend..cleaned the house...exercised everyday, went to school...you name it I did it.
I never knew how long this high would last...Then there were times when I didn't want to do anything...nothing, not even leave the house, answer the phone, shower, nothing taste good...like a zombie. I just wanted to sleep. I cried and I wanted to die.
The longest this feeling lasted was a few years and I compare it to being in a very dark deep hole and it's not a good place to be.
I hate that place, that person I become. I'm sacred of that place.
There is help available, counseling, medications, and living a healthier life, exercise regular get out into the sun light. Helps to stay in the LIGHT.
Most of my family does not understand or try to understand this side of me.
What is important is that I now know what is going on and how to deal with this disorder. Because it is a disorder that I have to live with and my immediate family has to live with.
I wanted to share this with the readers of LatinoLA because I know that there are many people or families with relatives suffering with Depression or Bi-Polar Depression. Who are not properly diagnosed or receiving the help that is available.
To the families: be patient. Have compassion your family members need you.
To everyone tis the Season to show compassion towards your fellow man.
Tis the Season to show and tell your loved ones how much you love them.
My New Year's Resolutions: to stay in the light as much a possible, to continue painting and writing, to always try my best and give my children the best life possible through the New Year and the rest of their lives.
To love myself as much as I love my Children!
Feliz A??o Nuevo!
todo El A??o 2008
M. Reyna-Varied Artist: Painter, Photographer, Poet, Storyteller.