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The Every Other Weekend Ordeal

Children ARE NOT Pawns!

By ....by DHOC
Published on LatinoLA: February 28, 2008


The Every Other Weekend Ordeal


There is an ongoing phenomenon called the almighty custody. Apparently this day and age, divorce rates are at an all time high, thus children are being sent back and forth to divide time between parents. Through these ordeals come court cases, child support, and in the end psychological trauma if the parents refuse to get along. While the two partners decided to split, should not result in psychological trauma for the child. Therefore, both parents should steer clear of arguing at all cost, in front of the child.

Having a close relationship with my family, I have witnessed family members suffer the ordeal of divorce and custody. Through that same witnessing, I have seen women use their children as pawns. The court states the non custodial parent can visit the child and take custody of them every other weekend but there are times when there is an exception and the female party decides she‘«÷s in a bad mood or has punished the child because of something he did at school or didn‘«÷t do his/her chores, or whatever other reasons she sees fit and refuses to allow the children to see their father. Hence comes the advent of the FEMALE Hormonal/Psychological Luggage Dilemma.

Divorced almost 12 1/2 years, I too went through custody but not once did I ever STOP my ex-husband from seeing his daughters. Although the legal system imposed scheduled visitations, I always allowed my ex-husband to see our daughters freely and not on a time schedule. Having the opportunity to do so, he would visit our daughters on occasion, making it as easy as a phone call, to convenience all parties. Due to such, our daughters developed a relationship with their father. Although he wasn‘«÷t available seventy-five percent of the time, I never stopped him from seeing them.

In parallel, although the child support issue never came to pass, I never sought to chastize him for not having money and penalize him by not allowing him to see our daughters. However, in this day and age, that seems to be a major contributor to the non-custodial parent not being able to see their child. May I advise that a FATHER should not have to pay to see their offspring. Allow me to stress that they should pay child support but they should not have to suffer due to a hardship. I honestly feel that it is hard to believe that the child will have the mentality that if Daddy doesn‘«÷t have money then he can‘«÷t see me. The child is not for sale or a service! I know for a fact that way deep down in the heart of that child, they want to see Daddy regardless of his financial situation.

Of course there might be conflicting matters at times but the above is a point that should be stressed. Irresponsibility, bad standing with the law, addictions and other issues warrant the single parent from allowing the children to see the non-custodial parent but that in itself is another matter and a subject for a different day. The matter that I want to point out is a matter that is mind boggling to those responsible parents that want nothing more than to develop a strong relationship with their children after a divorce.

Apparently when a man and a woman separate and thus head to Divorce Court, the women/men tend to take it out on each other. Therefore, if the father takes the children and heaven forbid brings the child back half an hour late, the female goes ballistic and proceeds to tell him in front of the children how much of a no good, irresponsible, if you wouldn‘«÷t have left me, you left me, I didn‘«÷t leave you, off on an hour tangent of ‘«£you did so I did‘«ō rampage that it leaves the child struggling with a barrage of painful emotions. Not to mention the other party if the man has another wife and children, and they are present, they too get caught up in the ex-wife‘«÷s line of fire and it affects them adversely as well.

May I add that children are NOT pawns. Children were not placed on this Earth and gifted to put them through so much psychological trauma. What the parents need to realize is that the child is listening and might even feel threatened, at fault, sad or even ill because the parents are arguing in his/her presence.

In addition, these women have to remember that these children DO NOT understand the psychological rancor their mother is experiencing and SHOULD NOT have to because it is NOT THEIR PROBLEM! All the children know is that they love Mommy and Daddy equally. Therefore, the parents should not even come in contact with each other when exchanging custody UNLESS it is to say that the other child has been sick or what not. But under NO CIRCUMSTANCE should the child be subjected to all the BULL SH*T and hatred that the two parents have for each other.

Therefore, I ask, if indeed these women have compassion for their child, that they examine irrational thought and control their angered emotions to eliminate the trauma that they will inflict on their children. It is bad enough that the children no longer have Mommy and Daddy together, therefore, they should not subject their children to any further psychological effects! Remember, God gifts us with children to care, nurture, protect, and guide them. God giveth but he can also taketh away. Please do not allow your child to become a pawn. DO NOT allow them to be used to the other parties advantage and live through their selfishness, it is just not right! Unfortunate to say what outcome those toddler and teen years can do psychologically to the child.

Some of the symptoms the child may succumb to, are:
(Reference taken from www.helpguide.org)

Guilt and self-blame
Anxiety and edginess
Mood swings and irritability
Feeling of disconnected or numb
Withdrawal from others
Insomnia or bad dreams
Loss of appetite
Difficulty concentrating
Feeling sad or hopeless

Therefore, ladies..... recognize what you are doing to your child. Stop this irrational behavior! See to it that you take care of your child‘«÷s mental state first and foremost! You are the teacher, you are the leader, you have lived your life, you have the power to guide the outcome of your child. Therefore, observe, love, nurture, and guide your child to a better tomorrow. Remember, all you have to do is walk away from an argument.

BUT....... Conclusively - Always remember that they are ‘«£OUR‘«ō YOURS AS WELL AS HIS children, not solely yours through immaculate conception!

‘«£Children are God‘«÷s way of showing our life‘«÷s worth‘«ō
...............................Quote authored by MaryAnn Gonzalez


Simply venting and educating in the process
-------DHOC ‘«£aka‘«ō MaryAnn Gonzalez

About ....by DHOC:
Simply venting & educating in the process DHOC "aka" MaryAnn Gonzalez (maryanngonzalez@lycos.com)




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