Voting Vato

Everyone I vote for loses, so I vote accordingly

By Al Carlos Hernandez
Published on LatinoLA: November 11, 2002

Voting Vato

Everyone who I vote for always loses, so I?ve changed my voting strategy and now vote according to my proclivity to pick the loser.

Speaking of losers, the California Gubernatorial race was the supreme battle of the network nerds. Politics is considered show business for ugly people.

Regarding the candidates; Gray Simon and Bill Davis or whomever...writer-director Woody Allen encapsulates my opinion of both men, ?His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.?

Media theorists believe that people pick the TV show they intend to watch based on a LOP system -- Least Objectionable Program. LOP is also a derogatory phase used by motorcycle maniacs, indicating that one is a useless ride-along, more specifically a ?scrub? in Hip-Hop vernacular. Lop in the dictionary means, to eliminate as unnecessary or undesirable.

We were forced to choose the LOP -- Least Objectionable Politician -- and it was almost a dead heat.

It is amazing to me how many ethnic people ages 18-30 something-something, don?t vote, never voted, don?t know how, and then snivel about how they can?t get a break.

Sniveling in the dictionary means, to speak or act in a whining, sniffling, tearful or weakly emotional manner, but enough about anacronistic social service organizations. If someone says they speak for the community, ask them what street they live on, and if they don?t live in the neighborhood you need to bum rush them back to Pleasantville.

Back in the day, we protested demanding the right to vote at 18. We viewed voting as a legitimate way of changing our lot in society. Once the 18 year vote was granted, there was a shift in the political polarity. Politicians like moscas showed up to tamale sales, car washes, baptisms and picnics. We couldn?t get rid of them, they were like an army of Jessie Jacksons mugging for a photo opportunity with the voting vatos, a force to be reckoned with.

The newness of youthful voting wore off, change didn?t happen overnight. Rookie voters thought that if they voted they would run a warrant check, or worse be called for jury duty. Well they can?t run a warrant check but you will be collared for jury duty, but being a jury of your peers is a good thing. We all know which side of the courtroom we are usually sitting. The more Juans and Juanitas are in the jury box, the more justice for the juxtapositioned.

The ballot is confusing by design with all the yes on no. My wife and I take notes into the booth with us, and have worked out the issues before we go on record. Many people don?t know that you can take a list of how you want to vote into the voting booth. Lot?s of people believe it is some kind of test.

Hello, its open book.

With every vote equal, I try to find someone in the political and or community limelight, a gadfly, a loudmouth who is vocal on the issues and surmise as to how they might vote, and plan my voting to negate their ambition.

Community agencies are usually funded based on their ability to deliver votes to various politicians. The only goal of the politician is to get re-elected. You may be surprised to find out that some of these agencies can only deliver less than a hundred votes, yet score some major scrilla, because political people are gullibly predictable, professional and often times convicted liars. That?s why lawyers are good at it.

Young Latinos are missing the boat and getting played like dominos. As a social people, we make excuses to get together in large numbers more frequently than anyone else. You ever have a wedding and try to get the guest list down to three hundred? If you have a big back yard and a big screen TV you can get over 100 fools to show up for a Super bowl party kegger.

If and since we have the ability to mobilize several hundred adults at any time, it would be interesting to pass out voter registration cards, and become insistent on making the right to vote as important as the next beer run.

Why not have some voting day partys? Get all the Familia to come over, everybody bring a dish. Food not a mistress.

Things could change quickly around the state if CNN filmed several hundred of us up and down the left coast, going over to the polling place in two cars, and throwing down votes for the cause of self determination.

If we don?t change the way we view voting, Cruz Bustamante will never get elected when it?s his turn next time.

About Al Carlos Hernandez:
Al Carlos is a weekly columnist.

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