How to Get Un-elected (A Primer)

Instead of lists and death threats how about just getting the potholes fixed

By El Los Angelino
Published on LatinoLA: February 10, 2011

How to Get Un-elected (A Primer)

Now I'm not a true expert on some things (more of an observer with a strong opinion) but I must say that the campaign for the 14th Councilmantic (big words already at the start) District is already shaping up to be one of the best examples of how one LOSES a council seat. It's been years since we've had an incumbent eff things up this bad in quite a long time.

I mean its been years since Art Snyder had to "retire" from office because of his inability to keep city-owned cars from flying off the road and into various other vehicles, light poles, and stop signs after long nights "working" in his council office. A City Council seat ($180K a year) in Los Angeles is as good as gold. Richard Alatorre served the district moderately well until he no longer had any more friends that he could "help". Antonio used it as the springboard for Mayor (btw much like his time as Mayor he spent very little time in the district). I would assume that Jose Huizar (pictured) has a sense of history and knows that with just a little bit of effort he might be able sit in that chair in city hall for years to come.

But no Au Contraire, the good Mr. Huizar decided to show us all how NOT to get re-elected. I thought that his lack of attention to the "meat & potatoes" issues (papas & carne asada?) would only help him NOT get re-elected to a certain point. The pot holes, gangs, graffiti, lack of supermarkets and other retail & economic development, the bevy of massage parlors, ineffectual schools (even though he was a school board member) and his siding with merchants on Olvera Street (btw who were just being asked to pay a their fair share of rent)....NOPE that level of ineffectualness (ok last big word I promise) just wasn't enough for Pepe (btw we're not cool like that).

Pepe in his infinite wisdom, decided a few years back that his campaign motto was going to be "if it was good enough for Nixon, then its good enough for me." I can see him channeling the voice of Tricky Dick in ordering his staff to put together spreadsheets of his "friends" (boy just think if he had put that thought to a better use he could have beaten Zuckerberg to the punch). Now I'm not a prima donna (I only live with one...just kidding...REALLY just kidding) so I know that in the real politik politicians in this country spend an inordinate amount of time raising money to get re-elected (Pepe is apparently one of the few practitioners of contrarian strategy of doing everything NOT to get re-elected...a Don Quixote of sorts) so in that world knowing who your "amigos" are is important.

I suppose that Pepe's got a lot on his mind so its tough to remember who your friends are ("hmmm...let me see how can I take credit for building a bridge over train tracks on Valley Blvd...hmmm") so a list would be helpful. Obviously, the organization that they belong to is important to note...but I'm going to hazard a guess that assigning a rating scale to their level of importance and "friendship" is at a whole other level (is someone from reading this? attention). Thank god the staff also included a legend so that we could understand what the numbers meant (very thoughtful...again I suppose that the staff figured that Pepe would have so much on his mind that we would forget what the ratings meant).

So it goes without saying that this week's revelation that Don Jose Corleone's campaign manager sent out a missive in which he said that the campaign was going to put a "bullet in the forehead" of Pepe's main rival or my personal favorite "we are going to unleash the dogs of Satan on Rudy and he is going to wish he never heard the words 'team huizar.'" (Funny but I don't remember dogs in the whole heaven & hell thing...also doesn't 'team huizar' sound like a real estate broker?).

Ok, so in light of the whole Tucson massacre, was "bullet in the forehead" the right way to go (btw what's wrong with just doesn't get enough usage these days)? I'm going to say NO. Perhaps it was easy to laugh some of this stuff off a few months ago as locker room humor between the candidate and his consigliere but then you compound the problem by putting that in an email? As my abuelita would say, "?íQue tonto!"

Call me crazy (some do) but if you're trying to figure out how to get yourself fired or un-elected from a $180,000 a year job, Council member Huizar has done everything right. He almost makes the council members in Bell look like decent people (yea, they stole money but at least I haven't seen or read that they were advocating physical violence on their opponents). Its obvious that someone bought the campaign all six seasons of The Sopranos (Ralphie was my favorite character) and they decided that they were going to go Jersey on Rudy.

So note to the campaign: Stop with the Lists and the Death Threats and Figure Out how to clean up the graffiti, fix the potholes, improve the schools and get some supermarkets in the neighborhood that have a bigger fresh produce selection than a tequila selection. With a B.A. from Cal, a Masters Degree from Princeton and a Law Degree from UCLA, you just figure he'd be the right guy for the gig. Yea it might be tough but that's what you get paid to do. Duh.

Author's website
Email the author

   print this


Arts & Entertainment Comunidad Forum People El Editor's Blog

Careers Expresate Hollywood Tecnología RSS Feeds